The last couple of weeks I've been distracted from life. Or really, I've been this way for some months now. I haven't been able to comprehend all the things that have actually happened. On the 27th of november 2009 I lost one of my best friends, and that haven't left my mind for a second since then. Haven't been able to get in a car or on a bus without panicking completely inside. Tried my best not to show it, but I can't help but twitch every time I feel the car/bus accelerating. They say life goes on, and we should try to move on. I should try to move on. But even though it's been roughly 3 months, I still think about it every day.
Though that is not the only thing that's been running through my mind. Things have happened. I've gotten to know things I wish I never had been told. And things have happened that never should have. The new year has so far definitely not been a good one. I wish for better times, but at the same time, I don't want to forget what happened, because if I forget it'll be like it never happened and the memories of those I've lost deserve better than that.
I've somehow been able to concentrate in school for most of the time, and still perform as good as I have. I guess it's like my mother described it. I have some sort of switch that I'm able to switch on and of when it's necessary. Or at least when I'm with people or at school. I turn off my emotions and thoughts and just operate on autopilot.
Hopefully when the summer comes and school is over, thing's will get better. Moving to Tromsø and hopefully studying Law or Political Science will make me think about the future and not the past. Though I'll always remember what happened, both on the 27th of november, and everything else that has happened these past three months.
I've btw figured out what my second tattoo's gonna be. A single red rose with "Remember a rose and it will not fade" written around it. I'll put it on my right arm.
Remember a rose and it will not fade
Remember the past but don't live in it
Remember the good, and cherish those memories
Life goes on, but the past must be remembered
The people that are gone are still important
Don't think of what you lost, but of what you gained from knowing them
Think of each hug and each smile and remember that your life was better the time they were there, but they'll always exist in your memories.
In my head
tirsdag 2. mars 2010
Am I free or am I dreaming?
Am I empty or full?
Am I strong, or am I weak?
Am I in it for the money or just after the thrill?
Can you describe that feeling when you're up on a hill, and the wind blows in your hair and the sun shines down from up above? Can you taste the taste of freedom when you drive down the open road? Can you feel the hate and anger when somebody tears you down?
Do you regret the things you've done, or just anticipate the future? Do you think about yesterday, or do you dream about tomorrow? Are you happy with your life, or do you think you'll never be? Are you waiting to be captured, or do you dream of being free?
Am I strong, or am I weak?
Am I in it for the money or just after the thrill?
Can you describe that feeling when you're up on a hill, and the wind blows in your hair and the sun shines down from up above? Can you taste the taste of freedom when you drive down the open road? Can you feel the hate and anger when somebody tears you down?
Do you regret the things you've done, or just anticipate the future? Do you think about yesterday, or do you dream about tomorrow? Are you happy with your life, or do you think you'll never be? Are you waiting to be captured, or do you dream of being free?
